frustrated and pissed...

Went to see my regular doc today to get my spine adjusted--excellent there. My back and neck feel great. However, the results of my blood test came back and the ob/gyn doc thinks I'm still not eating enough protein. I have regularly exceeded 100 grams per day--which is a lot. An average woman needs 60, they recommended 80, now it's bumped up to 100. I am very emotional at the moment so I know I'm not totally rational. I'm sick of being at home, I desperately need a massage but can't afford it, I want to perform tomorrow night (and am tempted to read from a reclined position in a chaise lounger lawn chair)...(stamps feet like angry five-year-old)...and I'm ready to lose my temper with absolutely everyone. For good reasons. For no reasons.

One of my biggest fears about this parent thing is that I am a fairly selfish person. I worry that I will have a hard time becoming the parent I want to be, the parent I should be. Right now, even though I understand that my baby needs for me to stay still and take it easy, I am so frustrated. I don't resent the baby, but I do resent the experience of being trapped at home on my back. I worry because I know that being a good parent means putting my kid first and I wonder if I have the grace to do it. I worry that I'm too selfish, too selfish. There's aspiring to be a better person and there's knowing one's self.

My whole life is changing. Am I ready? Can I do this? Am I just losing my freaking mind because I've been isolated, in my own head, eating food I'd never willingly consume in such massive amounts, not exercising and getting my natural endorphins...