miraculous and melancholy

Having one of those days...not sure why, but I feel weepy. I want to walk around with a big sign that says, "I'm pregnant! If you're pregnant too, or have been and want to talk, come see me." I need a community of mommies-to-be. I feel a little lonely and shakey. Most of my friends are childless or their kids have grown up. Late bloomer here. Although another woman in my prenatal yoga class is 44 and having her first (and she's actually pretty cool and someone I'd like to know better).

I'm rambling a bit. Forgive me. Hormones. I wish I could spend the next three months focusing on little else but being pregnant--I want to savor the experience and I feel somehow like I should be getting ready/more ready than I am. Having been "not a kid person" most of my life, I understand that if you're not in the throes of it, it's just not of interest. I don't want to overshare, overwhelm, blah blah blah at friends who love me too much to tell me to stop prattling on...

But I'm a little obsessed at the moment. A little more than three months. There is a human inside me. That's miraculous. And I'm terrified. And excited. And I want to spend three months at home on maternity leave and I'm not sure I can pull it off (I only have about six weeks leave) and I want to do this right, whatever that means.

I don't want to miss it. I don't want to get so caught up in the other parts of life that I stop marveling at how truly amazing this experience is...

Life. A person. A new soul. Possibility. Magic. How exquisite and blessed...