opportunities to learn and more confidence

In late April, there's going to be a birth conference here in town. Some of it will be over my head, but some of it applies. Ina May Gaskin and Michel Odent, MD, will both be there--each has played a big role in the natural birth movement. Robin Sale who teaches Whole Birth Yoga will also be there. I think it will help me to feel more confident and knowledgable. I'm feeling more confident about things overall--I know there's no way to prepare for the physical experience of an unmedicated birth--but I also have a lot of faith in myself and those who will be helping.

It still seems surreal--a little baby. Wow.

I'm hoping to take a full three month maternity leave, but it remains to be seen if I can pull it off. I have about six weeks of paid leave. The question is, can I take six weeks of unpaid leave? And more importantly, can I bear not to take as much time as possible when my son is so new in this world? I think I already know the answer...

acrobat?

I think it is entirely possible we're gestating an acrobat. It felt like somersaults happening in my abdomen this morning just after I arrived at work. Not sure what brought it on, but, wow! Perhaps since I didn't eat much and ate late he just gave the cord a yank--"Hey! I'm HUNGRY, Mom!"

when I eat...

When I eat, the baby gets busy. Seems like he wiggles a lot, especially if it's sweet. I am getting more movement now--still just funny, fluttery, vague pokes, but definitely movement. How amazing is that? There's a human inside me and he wiggles. WOW.

I've been following another pregnant friend's journal and she elected to get birth defects screening--the initial screen requires that they get more tests. It's still a very slight chance of actual birth defects, but now she and her husband get to worry for however long it takes to get appointments, tests and results. I'm glad we elected not to do it. I certainly understand why some people do--and I don't judge that--but, knowing myself, there's no point in worrying and we're having this little fella and we'll see how it all turns out.

G reminded me, early on, that one of the Three Irish Tenors, Ronan Tynan, was born with a lower limb disability and had both of his legs amputated at age 20. After the operation, he competed in the Paralympic Games — both in track and field and as an equestrian. Between 1981 and 1990, Tynan won 18 gold medals and set 14 world records. He is also a physician. I don't know if they had the tests in the days that he was born--but, clearly, he's an extraordinary individual. I'm just not convinced that tests can do much more than scare the hell out of a person--although I can also see the need to be mentally and financially prepared for a baby with disabilities. It left me pondering...I don't think there's a "right" or "wrong" answer...but I'm glad we have done things the way we're doing them.

baby love

The biggest news of the weekend—I felt the baby move. I wasn’t sure at first, but then the funny, fluttery, what-the-hell-is-that feeling became apparent. Deep in the middle of me I felt movement. I cried. Guy put his head on my tummy but all he could tell was that I was gurgling and making normal tummy noises.

Wow.

Met with the DB’s yesterday--it's a group of amazing women--N, V, R and A. They fill my heart and my soul. We talked, did a little singing and ritual…it was very good. Afterward, I told them that the baby can already hear them. That made them, and me, cry. I’ve been singing to him a lot but I can’t imagine how it must feel to feel the vibration from my voice and those outside reverberating.

very, very real

I was waiting for Guy to do this post, so stay tuned for his experience at the ultrasound...

We went. I felt like I was going to burst (36 oz. of water, remember, I whined about it?). Guy sat at my feet and watched the screen while rubbing my feet and peeking up at me. I laid on the table and tried to stay calm and centered. At first, the technician went through all her standard images and measurements, the machine registering a little binging sort of sound with each image taken. Then she turned the screen so that I could see--I have to confess, without an explanation, it really looked like lots of black and white smears. However, every so often, a hand or foot would be apparent, or the shape of the head and the eye indentions would be clearer. Apparently the baby turned a flip while she was working.

We decided we weren't going to learn the gender, but had her take a peek anyway. That proved to be too much--that someone else knew, but not us. So we found out.

It's a boy. More importantly, all his little organs are developing normally, his heart has four chambers and he looks to be just fine with a good, strong heartbeat, etc. We saw little snips of fingers and toes. He's okay. I can't tell you the weight that lifted for me to know he's okay. I was worried--I didn't know I was pregnant in that first month so I wasn't as careful about things like drinking wine with dinner, etc.

The baby is okay. And the due date was pretty accurate, moved up by a few days, but plus or minus two weeks. So...

We're over half-way there.

Wow.

I'm awestruck, excited and terrified all at once.