another momentous occasion approaches...

In two hours, I will be laying on a table, trying not to pee on myself, getting an
ultrasound. We will see the little person for the first time. This is one of those moments, much like the first hearing of the heartbeat…I’m excited and a little apprehensive. I’m a worrier—I want him or her to be okay. And I cannot conceive of how I’m going to drink 36 oz. of water one hour beforehand and not use the bathroom until after said ultrasound…(eyes roll and cross)

bringing up baby...and random thoughts

Along with all the preparatory stuff comes the philosophical stuff of the kind of parent I want to be. Yesterday, talking with a woman whose child is 23, I had a very clear picture of my idea of parenting and I hope I can hold to it: I view us as soul-tenders or gardeners (I know, not just because that’s what G does…). I hope to be able to feed, nourish and help this little being to flourish into whomever he or she will be. Even if that’s a Republican.

I wonder about the patterning of my youth, good stuff and bad stuff, the things my mom and dad did well and the things I don’t want to do. I know the story—at some point I will say something and be shocked that it just came out of my mouth. I will make mistakes. I think consciousness is the key—thinking about what and how we’re doing, making adjustments…it’s overwhelming and exciting at the same time. I have very passionate beliefs about how to tend to soul’s—I hope I can live them well and to the very best benefit of our child. My friend Maya wrote a very cool piece about her parenting experience: Generation Gaffes.

I am feeling more confident about the home water birth. A woman in my prenatal yoga class did her last birth at home, outside, and in the water and said it was transcendent. Wow. Another woman I spoke to yesterday did a home birth 23 years ago and said, even in those days, it was the best decision she ever made. Plus we have an added benefit—we get a doctor along with the midwife and doulas. That helps me to feel like we can really count on the experience (midwife has about 20 years) of those around to help us and that, if they think we need medical intervention, we can make a transfer to the hospital. We’re 8 miles straight down the highway from the place, if needed.

We’re about half way there. I realized my pants are getting too tight. I’ve actually lost a little weight (not a bad thing, I’m eating well, just exercising more) but I’m expanding as one would expect.

Monday we do the ultrasound. I am looking forward to it, however, drinking 36 ounces of water one hour before, then letting them poke and prod me with a full bladder has me a little twitchy, if you know what I mean. Oy vey. Unpregnant drinking that much water that quickly is a challenge…I don’t think we’re going to find out the gender unless it happens totally by accident. We’re both firmly of the opinion that we just want a healthy, happy kid and whatever attachments or lack thereof they come with is fine with us. We can surely come up with a couple of names…eventually…that we agree on…eventually…

happy notes and anxiousness...

Happy notes….finally got my Snoogle ordered. Got outbid on Ebay repeatedly at the last minute on several and finally happened to be online and able to defend my right to the pregnancy pillow that women rave about. I love to say “Snoogle”…snoogle, snoogle, snoogle! Hopefully it will arrive within the week.

Went to prenatal yoga this week and loved it. Part of the class is yoga and part of it is talking. The women seemed a little more talkative than my prenatal class and the teacher had a great energy. I felt a genuine sense of community. Other than a dizzy spell as I tried to roll up from letting my head hang down in front of my legs, it went pretty well. I think I’m in better shape than I thought and all the water exercise is certainly helping, too.

My energy level is better and I’m really enjoying the movement. I know that the stronger my body can be, the easier (ahem) labor will be.

Guy has been a sweetie about doing most of the stuff around the house, picking up food and generally spoiling the daylights out of me. I do think he's going to be quite something at this Dad thing.

Otherwise, I’m anxious to feel some stirring and some kicks—go, Baby, go! Tomorrow is prenatal class #3. We’ll see how exciting that one is…I’m sure the content will be great, but, have I mentioned the participants seem a little uptight? Oh yeah, I have. Meow. (Note to self: get bowl of cream and Friskies.)

Next week we get an ultrasound.

support from every angle

Yesterday was prenatal class #2—this time on relaxation. Ahem. I have a task. I must learn how to relax. We did some visualization and massage—for moms and dads. Still a stiff, quiet bunch (these people do not ask questions or respond much at all and don’t make eye contact with others—weird)…but a great class. We learned about counter-pressure on the sacrum for back labor, along with pressure points and some basic techniques. I’m going to try to work on Guy some because I think it would be very good for him. We need to get him a real, honest-to-goodness, professional massage—can you believe he’s never had one?

I also learned about the benefits of the Snoogle, a horseshoe-shaped body pillow for pregnant women. I’ve already bid on one on Ebay and it should, hopefully, be in the mail to me tomorrow or the next day unless some evil freak outbids me at the last minute. I am not loving sleeping on my side—it screws up my neck and shoulders (which are chronically out-of-whack) so the Snoogle is supposed to really help.

The highlight of yesterday was meeting potential doulas who we hired. We get 2 and we’re trading for a farm subscription so it’s no $$ out of our pockets which is a huge worry off our minds. The cool thing is that they seemed very down-to-earth and more of the community that we’re looking for which was such a relief. One of them doula’ed (is that really a verb?) for a friend several years back and everyone involved raved about her and I remember being really impressed. So, we will have the doctor, midwife and two doulas to help us through this experience. Since I don’t have a lot of friends who have kids or who have done the natural homebirth, I am so relieved to have a team of women experienced in this realm.

I think that’s the thing I’ve really realized—we are so lucky. Without much work or struggle, we have a setting and support to do this in a way that fits with our values and desires. Even if something changes and we have to go to the hospital, we still get our doctor and the doulas and I would think that the midwife can be there too to preserve the intent of our child’s entry into the world—to be as gently delivered straight into our arms with as little trauma and separation as possible. (Felt Mama Bear stirring there again….)

Anyway…the doulas put my mind at ease…thank you, Goddess. Their function is really to support in whatever way is needed—if that’s getting some clean towels, shooing people out of the room, massaging or teaching people where to massage to help me in labor, reminding us to eat, giving Guy a break, answering questions…

Tuesday I start prenatal yoga…at some point we’ll do some hypno-birthing sessions, paid for by my insurance, with a therapist at the center who will teach us techniques for birth…

So, we have a great medical team, a home water birth where they bring all the stuff to our house, doulas, yoga, hypnobirthing and prenatal classes for support, wonderful friends and each other—I really feel incredibly blessed that we’re able to bring this being to the world with so much support. My insurance won’t cover about $720 in expenses (of about $6000) but we were able to use a pre-tax flex program to at least pull the money out of my paycheck and not have to pay taxes on it.

Did I mention I’m married to the sweetest, silliest, most lovely man who is going to make an incredible father?

All teary again…even though I hadn’t quite planned on this…it certainly seems like the Universe is supporting it at every turn.

So, 18 weeks and counting…blessed be.

first prenatal class

Today we went to our first prenatal class. There were four other couples. Hmmmm. How interesting (said with an affected voice). Quiet folks, the bunch. Not very voluntary. Odd one-person-speaking-for-the-couple behavior during introductions (not us, of course).

I had hoped there might be some folks that we resonate with--I think I'm particularly sensitive because I'm really hoping to connect with more folks like us--fairly progressive, funky, free-thinking freaks. Perhaps the others hid it well. Time will tell. Certainly we were the ones willing to talk, etc.

The instructor has a cool energy and I've seen her around for years but never realized who she was--she's a farmers' market regular as well as someone I've seen at yoga and musical events. She's been a midwife for over 20 years and comes with very high recommendations.

But I digress from where I was headed with this meandering post...all of our friends here are child-less or, in the case of the one, the child is about to turn 15 which is a whole different place in life. It would be nice to connect with some people vaguely like us who have kids.

It would be nice to find a tribe, so to speak, for a little comraderie and support. I expect this will happen. It's just going to take a bit of time.

And, please, smack both of us if either starts speaking for the other. I get the feeling a rant on feminism wouldn't have gone very far in that room today...oy....